A place of comfort through my journal

Hmm… Id have to admit. This blog is insanely career focused. But also, as I deal with life, we can sprinkle some personal touches. Like the past partnership I had.

From April 2022, while I was working in the farm, I met the person Ive ever only learned to love. It was amazing as I never met anyone who was so invested in my dream for coffee. Loving this guy was effortless. He was living in Hilo, I was living in Kona. We would spend weekends on either of our area or meet in the middle. He came with me during that fermentation camp in Colombia. One that was a huge part of my dream, and had an opportunity to also visit Panama. On our first Christmas together, he met my family and came to The Philippines with me. We spent such a lovely time.

When we got back to Hawaii, I had to move to Oʻahu, a different island. A company offered to have me work there and learn coffee roasting. A lot of in betweens but it didn’t work out and I had to move back to Hilo to start my business instead.

Wasn’t it perfect? I move back to Big island and want to stay in Hilo & start my business where my past partner was at?

yeah, no. At that time, he was building homes. Market wasn’t as good. On the side of his profession, he wanted a stable career. One that doesn’t break his body with health insurance. Absolutely understandable…. I was willing to work through our relationship despite his career change & his need to pursue the education in California.

Before he left for his studies in the medical field, he built me a coffee cart.

I was left in Hilo, to figure out what to do. I was unprepared to still start my business… I had to find myself a stable job. Which didn’t work out as I learned that flipping clothes could pay my rent better & that I had time to work on my coffee cart.

Throughout all this life changes, I was also going through tough times….

While he was in California, and I was navigating both of my coffee business and clothing side hustle, there has been lack of communication. It drove me crazy knowing if he was alive or not. When he sent messages, my mood was good & when he doesn't, I couldn’t eat nor sleep.

When we communicate about this, it seemed to be dodged and all I can do is forgive so we can put value in the time we’re sharing stories. You know, many times Id lose my mind as a lot of words said weren’t true anymore.

I have been led to believe promises that weren’t meant to be kept. I stay knowing that maybe it’s just a phase. He will eventually be mentally stable again.

His stay kept extending from 3 months to a year. Then one day, he sent me this message of being “thankful” for the love & loyalty I gave. It was a breakup text, with false hope that he will find me again.

Few days later he came home. Knocked on the door and said “Hi, friend”.

Biggest insult. He came to help for Merrie Monarch, Hawaii’s festival. Few days later, he had to leave.

We were good friends to begin with, so maybe I can, and why not? At first, he was more consistent on checking up on me again…

Oh yes. Huge mistake to stay as friends. Never do it. After some time, when he called, I was there. When I need a conversation, my mom was there. I can’t be angry with a man who’s not committed to me, correct?

Did that for 9 months. So many people told me to stop. Within that time frame, he started renovating homes again which was great as that was his passion. However, I knew I was stupid for keeping our communication open. Messages have been inconsistent. Days I wouldn’t hear from him. And the plans of staying in California just kept extending. I just kept my hopes up that once he achieved self fulfillment, he’d one day actually come back home.

Then this January I tried to organize my life. Something in my head clicked upon a message I received from Michael, saying “Ola amiga”.

Degrading, I must say. I asked… what’s the point of texting me if he never replies back. “I am sorry. I was working. So you want me to disappear?” , he replied.

I’m sorry but was that a threat? To me? He has disappeared on me for quite a while & has only resurfaced upon his convenience.

and that’s when I decided to stop my stupidity. I blocked him through Whatsapp or my phone number.

I lost respect for myself while entertaining a person like this.

I kept my email open, as when Ive been persistent, I was able to contact him through that. 2 months later, I hear nothing.

You know what’s odd? I constantly have to remind myself of the pain I went through just to learn how to love him.

I needed an outlet for the fun places about my day. I turned back into the things & hobbies that made me myself again so I can keep my head held high while working on my goals.

Do I miss this person? No. Not anymore. I miss how happy I was being with someone I thought Id spend my future with. But I believe that I spent more time hurting through the duration of knowing him. And I do know that my sanity has to be kept intact for the sake of my goals.

And that I will never trade my sanity to accept degradation of self worth.

However it doesn’t always come easy to remind myself of these decisions. When in doubt, I turn to my journal, write how I really feel, turn some pages of days Ive desperately tried to get out of my head, then all of a sudden, my pen & paper became that space. A space within reach that just became comfort for a healing heart.

Working on a timeline - 2025

Once New Year's hit, the amount of pressure weighs down on me. It doesn’t really help that it is also my birth month. Ever since I finished my degree and chose my profession i made a promise to myself. A promise that has kept me in check, persistent, and focused. I promised that by the age of 30, I should be able to sustain myself doing something that I love.

Definitely took a while to gather how I can invest on myself & credible experience from 2020-2024. Gone through whatever pay cut, just to start somewhere. From working minimum wage as a barista & a coffee farmer. Worked with the savings I had to join a Fermentation Camp & learn from Lucia Solis. Moved islands to pursue a specific role. And in this process, some places didn't work out. Left people who weighed me down. Finally settled in Hilo to start my business while randomly being offered a coffee roasting job. All these movements just to find the right people to learn from did cost time & money. It took me 9 months to catch up financially, create a system for both businesses and build a routine around it. No regrets made so far.

And this is why 2025 hits different.

All the reasons for the first half of my 20's will make sense on how to approach the second half. Through learning the perspective of everyone involved in the chain, how do I pursue a business with ethics that benefit everyone in the industry?

Through the years, my goals have been clearer. It became more specific. Scary but atleast I have direction.

From scraping whatever knowledge, and learning from whoever, to now, choosing who to surround myself with. Part of this path is proving that I don't have to compromise morals & standards just to take me where I aim to be.

I am not a perfect person. I still ask myself all the time if I'm fair, doing the right thing, and not stepping on anybody. I do hope & trust that everything will fall in place in the next years.

Week of 3-in-1 ; 3 hats in 1 week

Definitely learned as much through the 3 years I’ve lived in Hawaii to put this much pressure on one week of October 2024.

(For clarification, I live in Hilo, the East Side of the Big Island. Kona is at the West. It takes 1hr:30min - 2 hours to drive.)

Monday - Roasting with Paradise Coffee Roasters, Hilo

Tuesday - Picking coffee at UCC, Kona

Wednesday - Roasting with Paradise Coffee Roasters, Hilo

Thursday- Picking coffee at UCC, Kona

Friday - Serving through Pour Over The Rainbow, Hilo

Saturday - Serving through Pour Over The Rainbow, Hilo

Sunday … I’ll be on incognito. Every part of this week has been a dream fulfilled. Quite labor intensive. So I’ll definitely cherish this routine because once I start thinking carefully, many decisions are cost inefficient and if it doesn’t earn, it falls as a hobby. And I am truly working on getting the life in coffee out of a hobbyist’s perspective as it needs to sustain me. Starting to love this week then! lol

Privileged Picker

2 days ago, I just felt like visiting Maria to see how she's doing. As usual, there's lack of pickers in many parts of Kona, and there was a need for more people as the whole farm is red & pickers can barely pick everything at the same time. So, I decided to go to Kona and pick coffee only for a few days....

It is exactly how I remembered it. Yet, the feeling of being on the field doesn't get easy. No matter how I feel, I can't help but think... how dare I complain?

Just 2 months ago, (August 2024) Miguel, my current employer in Paradise Coffee Roasters connected me to a few producers in The Philippines who he source coffees from. When I visited some farms in Benguet and a forest in Bataan, I find myself being in awe of the strength of the Filipino people. How do they pick these trees that are out of reach on land that's so steep that it can come close to rappelling?! I don't know if I even have that strength. And on some places, some land is so raw! Unlike Kona where it's all groomed & structured as an ideal layout of a coffee farm. Even my worst coffee picking experience can probably be one of the best around The Philippines. 💀

So back to the topic... How dare I complain? I come and offer help to Maria, aa she lets me sleep on a king sized bed with the BEST sunset view. She even makes & feeds me pupusaSSS (I had a lot that evening), and I think to myself... why is my body feeling tired already. I can't be tired because some other countries have  more difficult situations.

*sigh* And since I could never turn a blind eye to the places I've seen and the people I have met, it is best to recognize that at this point, I'm one privileged child who has the opportunity to experience what good picking culture is. View it as... a Coffee Picking 101 Refresher Course. :--)

Which challenges to take?

I’m here, sitting in my car, just completely exhausted after being quite stressed for the first part of the day and showing up at a Halloween event in Hilo.

Rain was pouring, and it was completely challenging just from setting up on a place 500 m away from the vehicle.

Towards the evening, coffee with caffeine was quite a challenge to sell. We had mostly children and parents. So truly understandable.

and with breaking down, I think it just whiplashed me in the face with how tired I am.

Why am I pushing myself to just show up, without being strategic about it or creating boundaries for myself?

I think it may be the perspective of “exercise” or “training”? Maybe if I put money and my equipment into importance, I’d be smarter about where I should be?

What is THE SECRET FORMULA? 10mins after breaking down, I write this post. The brain will start working after 2 days and this situation should be fully analyzed. I have to be smarter.

this is just a record of what I’m going through right now. And maybe you’re also starting something, and it’s falling into trial and error.

Should I get the good about this? I connected with 3 other vendors :)

Still tired and not smiling despite the smiley face. Okay. That’s enough rant for now. Gotta wash the dishes next.

Family

to feel like they are part of your life again. I’ll be honest, I did distance myself from people who don’t understand my vision, who always had something to say, and who doubt it. A lot of those three came from my family at the beginning of this career. I only saw their questions, with the unspoken idea if it will monetize or give me a sustainable income in the future. At this age, I understood it. But before, it became a fuel of “watch me, it will get done”. All doubts were directed to proving myself.

It gets tiring, you know. To be fueled by anger.

This all stopped the moment they finally saw and realized that I’m not stopping and this is a serious dream. They’re particularly my grandparents’ approach was “what do we have, to help get it started now”. In that sense, it feels as if it brought my heart closer to home again. Why I do what I do. Who else can I learn all these from, but from those who doubted & inspires me at the same time. Odd as I may type it out, time is the only factor I cannot control, and that I have to maximize while Nanay and Tatay can move and think with me. Truly, I know nothing. But if Tatay wants to just do it, the urge to work on the dream should already be there. Going back to family, to move cautiously is great to keep in mind, but to also feel the sense of camaraderie makes it easier to move forward.

Family is trouble, family will teach me how to set boundaries, and family will teach me how to trust.

Loyalty : To a company or to the coffee industry

Somehow, it feels as if my gut knew where people stand, the moment they “educate” about coffee. It’s lovely to know who I’d love to learn from.

Does it suck to see right through people’s character? Yes, because this is why I don’t have that many friends. No, because I also don’t need that many friends. Sorting my way through so I don’t have to waste time on potential traitors lol! Ok. Not kidding but those who do most work in coffee out of personal interests will truly suck the life and love out of you.

Why? It’s because they lie on the actual facts of what the industry goes through just to look good in front of their customers & to earn that google review! Ok, this isn’t a blog rage. Trust your gut. Know your crowd. It’s an investment of how you’ll move forward. I truly appreciate the right people that came into my career and life. As a picky person, I deserve the recognition that I eventually chose well. My past frustration can now only cause relief of how I currently live. So thank you self.

Don’t blame me for the life I was born with.

I dream. I dream big. Not only for myself. but for my country & the coffee industry. How is it possible that I have the mental capacity to do so? It’s only because I was blessed enough to have completed my hierarchy of needs from how I was raised & those who raised me. Those being physiological, safety, love, and self actualization. I have all satisfied, that I seek to provide and make an impact on someone else’s life.

It shouldn’t make me less of a person for having the resources. It shouldn’t make me less of an achiever for choosing a rough path despite having “back up”. I chose to live this way for self growth. How else can I make the most of what I have if I don’t know what it’s like to be lacking of it. No to entitlement. Please don’t discredit me for how hard I try, just because my family is well of. I am grateful for all opportunities that came with it, but it only becomes more if I recognize it.

Maybe we can meditate on the good parts of our life & make the most out of it. I don’t want to only be the receiving end of benefits, but also the creator of my own. Self fulfillment comes in different forms, and this one’s mine. Stop comparing yourself to others & playing victim. :P Just saying.

Running is my reason for everything.

Ever wondered how I learned to live “this” outlook in life. This meaning just doing-risk taking-enjoying kind of thinking?… My partner always admired how I think, as I stay on my lane and I know what I want. I am not perfect in what I do, but I just love it so much that doing good is always the goal in whatever aspect of my profession. Strange as it may be, but the practice of thinking this way started when I was 17. My dad got me into walking, then running. Running became so enjoyable that we eventually joined races. Obsessed is the word. We got into full marathons and ultramarathons. I’ve done 21 all together + 20 something half marathons. It’s not only a medal we earn. It’s one intangible reward. A stronger mindset every after race. And so, I blame it all on running.

Amazed that whatever time it takes, I eventually do what my vision was? Running. It takes patience, you’ll eventually get there.

Amazed that what I earn through my coffee business/ customer count is not enough, yet I’m happy? Running. I showed up. It’s what matters in most days.

Amazed that despite how many people can finish at a better time, it doesn’t bother me? Who cares. The only person we should compete with is ourselves. We go by our own pace & it should be trusted.

Amazed that I am not afraid to do something new? Who says I’m not afraid. I always am. But I still take on the task because of running. Wanting a new challenge after every other race.

Amazed that I smile despite not getting to my goals quick? Running. I believe that we must enjoy the view, and cherish those we meet along the process.

Among so many things I develop in life, many times I alter the way that I think so that I remain on my feet & keep going, the answer is that running taught me most of what made this my character & mindset in such challenging path to take for coffee. We all are in hurdles, and it’s what makes life more meaningful. What is there to live for when it’s easily attained? The biggest takeaway that running teaches is to always have gratitude. No matter how small it is. To see the beauty in the smallest things will make your whole path even more enjoyable, and an inspiring story to tell.

Are you interested to learn how to think this way? Start running,

Hospitality. It’s not for everybody.

I write this to assess the people that come through the market.

Currently, I serve in a Farmers Market that doesn’t have too much foot traffic yet. As I started, there were 3 vendors of each day. Fees are 80% lower than those markets around, and so I chose to start with this location so that I can play my operations by ear. Improvements were done slowly, and I wanted to pace myself when it comes to figuring things out.

The trade of a lower market cost, is that we promote for ourselves. It was an opportunity to learn that area too. I’ve promoted in many places, both physical & online.

Very interesting people go through the gates where the coffee sign’s at. Being near a grocery & hardware made sense with the idea of serving local. And so, with this, I did my best to attract the demographic that I wanted to serve.

Despite that, probably 2% of those I encounter are not very pleasing. It’s like they have a certain beverage in mind, and nothing can change that.

why I write this? Two people come up and asks for something I don’t have. When I tell more about the offerings, one mumbles “do you wanna go to Starbucks instead”?, like I wasn’t there. And follows up with “thank you, we’ll be back”, I said “ok, no problem :) “

It did piss me off because that was disrespectful.

But you know what… I don’t have to serve them & be too kind. I can choose who I can cater to now, by showing what I have. It’s take it or leave it. I should be okay with that.

After that encounter, a customer who came in the same morning came back for his second drink. I was very pleased with his kindness & he deserved the service I offered.

That being said, quality comes with service. Not everyone leans towards quality & so hospitality is not for everybody :)

* more smiley faces, and walks away *

Courage from a cold shower

* types after taking a cold shower *

No hesitations. No waiting. Just go.

In one of the podcasts I was listening to in finance, one of the steps to get better in figuring this out was to learn how to just dive right into a cold shower. There was more steps than that but this one stuck to me. I am currently struggling with proper finances, and being smart about learning the system and so I find resources this way. However, ever since I applied this action in my morning and evening routine, a cold shower taught me more than I thought it would, when it comes to doing things for my business.

Thus, I was able to set up my coffee cart in different parts of Hilo, for the photos & promotion purposes that I am mobile and I am able to serve on the east side of Hawai’i island. As easy as this sounds, it wasn’t. In many things I have not done in my life, this was one that I had to figure out. I needed the courage to set up all equipment in places with too many strangers, in scorching heat, and an area with higher chances of rain.

and in this world of uncertainty, we learn to be optimistic. Everything fits my Hyundai turtle car.

1st Photo: Jan 1 Liliuokalani Garden - so much people, yet I sparked up curiosity

2nd Photo: Jan 3 (am) Volcano - droplets of rain were coming, so I set up & broke down with an intense speed I didn’t realize I was capable of

3rd Photo: Jan 3 (pm) near 4 miles - extremely hot & cars passing by, good lighting & sparked up curiosity as well

… and after I took the photos I needed, more ideas came rushing in on how I can make the most out of these the next time around. I learned the “How” and now I am not afraid. The Power of a Cold shower is greater than just doing it. It holds the power of doing it again and again. By developing that habit, I learned the How’s of building up courage.

Living in Isolation

I have never felt so alone again. I currently live by myself in a three bedroom home. I rent a room. 2 months since I decided to quit my day job, and being self employed limits the usual socialization that a person has. I move by myself, and for myself.

I have goals and a vision that only I can see. Honestly, it’s tough. The quietness becomes noisy, but I also choose to keep myself away from distraction or conversations that don’t benefit my future,

My partner too is not around. My boyfriend. The one who understood me at one point, couldn't. My family in Texas understands that I thrive when I go unbothered by doubts towards my goals, and so they never question my moves anymore.

It truly sinks in that this is what we can sometimes get for our persistency, discipline and drive. When the right people come, they stay. However, we will never force ourselves upon anything that can hinder us from achieving those ideals bigger than ourselves. Suckishly, no one will understand it till you earn billions of dollars. But to get there, I ask myself. How do I numb my heart from temporarily living in isolation?

Kilometer Zero

1 month & a half in since I decided to start my dream… Pour Over The Rainbow. The logistics of my life is quite weird. I only do the coffee cart 2 times a week. No, I do not have savings. Why? I do spend a lot. Moved a lot, took every form of education in coffee and didn’t care how much it cost, and also got into Aloha wear. The lifestyle I live is as simple as it gets…. despite the clothes costing so much 😆

Now where did the aloha wear obsession come from? It’s a long story but to sum it up, I met a lady in Oahu from Facebook who sold so much of this brand for a cheaper price to me. I had SO much that I had to make a reselling page on Instagram. We became lifelong friends. I love her.

Learned the ropes of bidding and bin (buy it now), shipping, making promotions, making connections with people who can sell pieces to me, and eventually build up an audience. Closet in Hawai’i started as a side hustle. Believe it or not, I made more money in that compared to the ramen job I had when I moved back to Big island. Since that worked out, I had the time to work on the coffee cart, while the thrifting page supported my life.

If I have sold enough clothes,  I have the space to work on the coffee cart. I take my coffee dream to a whole other level like it’s my baby. She is my dream and I have to take care of it and those who support it. So I am in charge of the time I make for it.

This is the logistics of life. Buying clothes is not only by being in physical stores but also finding items online. Opportunity is on screen and off of it.

The only rest I take is when I eat.

Not being surrounded by the usual routine had me stand still when I took this vacation in Texas. Having time to think, create ideas and find inspiration and be grateful for the life I live. Taking it slow and having the time to converse with the people around me gave resting the perfect time to recalibrate and to acknowledge how far we’ve gone. Texas is where I started and it is my Kilometer Zero. The best part about going back is that I remember what I wished for when I was in Texas. It’s everything I’m working on in Hawai’i.

Starting Ugly

Same concept I had as I was growing up. Kept failing my grades and when I started doing “ok”, it becomes a huge accomplishment, and when I’ve done beyond “ok”, it blew people’s minds to know that I am capable of exceeding their expectations hahaha

So back to my coffee life, I started a cart. No nice logo, no lids, no cream, almost nothing. Too basic!

I just resigned from my day job because I want to continuously improve my dream. It’s finally happening... But before I look too legit, everything is sort of a makeshift, just to have something. Slowly, I’ll simply learn what I actually need, and it’s just part of the process.

I’ll never be ready until I start ugly…. Everyday is part of the progress I’ll make in the next decade. Getting there!

Today, I am scared.

I am about to start my cart in 2 days. I’ve just finished my experiment, done my costing, made a big purchase order for cups, bought accessories for the cart and my heart is pounding like crazy,

I am by myself here in Hilo and I feel like, I just wish I had someone by my side doing this with me because I’m just about to accomplish one of my dreams in my life, and I just don’t want to mess it up.

it’s a feeling I cannot quite understand but all good things happen when I take risks. It should be worth it if it’s scaring me like this. Asking for strength.

Powerful intentions create dangerous personalities.

Always had this odd feeling lingering around me, when I decide to speak up.

Working in coffee and in anywhere else!

Why I say this? I currently work in a line cook job since I moved from Oahu to Hilo. I didn’t want to work for anyone in coffee, but I needed to find a way to sustain myself as I figure out my next path. The intention was to start my business. Lol it was more complex than I thought. I’m currently dealing with the part time hours of work as a line cook,

Some of you may not know, but I did graduate with a Bachelor’s degree in Hospitality, majored in Culinary, and gained credible background when I did an internship in a 5 star resort. Thing was that it has been 3 years ago. Not AS much of a previous experience that other high class restaurants want, but more than qualified for a ramen shop. Not bashing this casual dining place, but this is basic compared to where I have worked.

Despite my change of settings, the discipline instilled from my resort experience will forever remain in my work ethics. That’s just something I have embedded within me, as it made me mentally stronger. My logic has very much improved throughout my previous profession even as a farmer.

I did gain all that. It made me confident with the way I move and what I think is right. Removing all biases, I lean towards the good of what my trained conscience says.

For some people, it’s an impressive thing, For some people, it’s a threat. What’s funny is when people underestimate my capabilities. Somewhere along the scenario of me being bothered, I speak up, and then I end up violating the ego of a “higher up”.

isn’t it odd? I just want to do my job. What’s your problem? I almost laugh in scenarios where it just feels like people are threatened by me. No I’m not hallucinating. I have witnesses thinking this too.

ANYWAYS, going back to coffee, I feel this a lot. Ever since I’ve done farm work, it changed such a different perspective on what I say about coffee. When something doesn’t sound right, my conscience can’t take it, I speak up. It doesn’t sound pleasing for a consumer’s perspective but who are we to judge their level of understanding. Also, one instance too is I’m young and my experience are beyond others, some people I feel like, can either be proud or be threatened. When my opinions are brought up, it’s always for the sake of “good” and the coffee industry. Some people just have biases, but when my intention leans towards the good for the coffee industry, it creates a different idea of one’s approach in actions and words.

Just like my other blog, I’d like to let you know that I can go unbothered if I want to, People will hate me but it’s ok :)

Think about Money

This is not my default brain. This is the part where I’m training myself to do so.

Before you tell me that I’m one privileged kid growing up, I’d want to stop you right there. Cause you may actually be right, but also wrong in some ways.

I grew up having everything I needed. Sometimes, more. I would say I’m fortunate to have the basics + some, and that’s why it has never felt like a problem for me. I always had this thinking that money will always be there, no matter what. If you love something, you can find a way to make profit out of it. I believe that this idea works best when you have no choice and you live by yourself and there’s no other person  accountable for your actions.

I was into the hobby of buying and selling my clothes, and realizing I can make profit out of it. It became a side hustle a month after. Now I feel like it has gotten more serious and I hunt for items, I learned that I have to calculate every move I make. Gas, time, wear and tear of car, everything!

Now I feel like every move I make is dependent on what I earn. Not by the hour but by my efforts, strategy and efficiency. Is that how a business owner moves? If so, I’m up for it. Gets waaay more rewarding than the hourly compensation, as on most times, I overdeliver. For who’s sake? Definitely not me 😂 but the owner of a company.

I feel that once I actually think more about money, it will result to a more sustainable living, as I get into the business of coffee. And hey, it’s part of that plan :)

Think like an owner, Empathize with a worker.

I am different. My mind works differently. I am very much aware of that.

I have come from a background of a family who are business owners. Successful people. Yet, as I grew up, I’ve always mingled very well with my family’s employees. They were really great friends and in some occurrences, treated me like family. I lived both worlds of being with owner and worker. With that realization , I see now why it makes more sense! Why I struggle, with the perspective I have, even at my current job.

I worked as a farmer, so I knew what was difficult and how to explain the process, and challenges better

I applied as Production in a Roastery (but mostly 93% working barista) and well…. I have brought myself to work every part of the chain, to understand what it’s like to be a worker, to know the challenges of being present in the actual job, and to understand what system works efficiently. Mind you, I’m not the kind of person who tries to get through my hours, just to call it a day. So in my mind, I plan my system of fulfilling bags of coffee, in the fastest way, or at the bar how to systematically serve and sling shots. (of course the job is more than that lol) . I, in my heart know, that I strategize with the purest intention of doing things in the easiest, fastest and most honest manner.

At the same time, I look through what matters in the greater scale of a business owner. Knowing “Why” things are done in a certain way, what morals do we stand for? and of course the reasoning of money is kept in mind as lives are needed to be sustained.

More at the same time, prior to working in coffee, I was a consumer. I was the receiving end of the product, I was the one asking for my coffee, asking questions, I was on the receiving end of that information. I had my assumptions on what’s good or what’s bad.

That’s why I learned of a greater understanding on how to speak in a manner that is truthful to the guest, and most empathetic to the parts of the coffee chain.

Anyways, my point is, not everyone will understand my “Why”s. I don’t just follow just because I am an employee. No. That doesn't work in my book. I am a servant of the people of the coffee industry. They are those who keep the industry alive and we need them to keep it a safe working space for them. They are the cheerleaders for the working force of this world! A cup of coffee is what keeps most of the world going. Remember, at least one cup of coffee is part of a routine for a billion people. As the cheerleaders of this world, my goal is to at least keep a system that will sustain those who are part of it.

I know the coffee chain is alot of its parts. Some are experts in 1, hold good knowledge in 2, are understanding of 3, and most empathetic of 4. I am on the latter. And if only that was appreciated for who I am, and why I stand for what I do,. If only it was valued, I believe there are greater things accomplished having me as a sidekick (partner/friend/trusted person/consultant/bff ha! whatever)

But until that perspective is valued, I guess it’s best to shut up and show how it’s done. As I also start my own, maybe it gives me more credibility to speak, having that experience. Sigh it’ll be hard, but I have to try.

Damn, I can’t wait to be successful.

I think about my goals all the time. ALL, the freakIN tImE. It’s killing me sometimes.

Questions go from how can I progress? What next step should I take? If I have this opportunity, how can I maximize it? How do I use my resources efficiently? Is this equipment a good investment for my future?

That’s only the tip of the iceberg of questions.

From the time I chose my college degree, to choosing coffee, to choosing farming, the closest people I love filled me in with doubts. Especially the grandparents I look up to. I understand the fear because it took them a struggle to be who they are now. Now that I feel the struggle, maybe I should be grateful that it is what I’m going through, and that’s my life’s path as of the moment. I know it will be rewarding one day, just like how they did it.

I just could’t wait.

To the people who’s been teaching me anything, your efforts will go a long way. Thank you for being patient with a learner like me.

For the meantime, I will keep that vision. I know I will get there.

Our Palates are Spoiled!

In the roastery I work at, there’s an abundance of coffees we have/want to taste. Either it’s for keeping the roasting consistent, choosing samples for shipment, identifying the monthly offering, and quite a few from guests who want to share the coffee they receive with us.

Needless to say, we focus on producing good coffee, and learning from it. All the floral, fruity, savory, sweet, complex, citrusy, lively, spice & the whole percentage of “chocolatey” is what we usually try to figure out in a cup. These attributes are basically half of SCA flavor wheel.

Now I ask, what about the other half of it, where does the chemical, musty, wood, vegetative or sour come from? These are attributes that are deemed to be unpleasant. I would never voluntarily spend my money on this kind of coffee, but if an opportunity comes up, heck yea, let me cup that old shack-papery-flat-woody scented/flavored coffee!!

Boy let me tell you, that my excitement raised eyebrows when I just decided to cup commodity coffee that was a feet away from being inside the garbage. It felt like I was doing a very bad thing, which would be funny in a third person perspective!

I just had my reasons. I just had to. My conscience told me so. My idea is that I wanted to put myself back in recalibrating my ideas of “good” & “pleasant”. I drink so much of specialty coffee, that standards are raised. That is a great thing on one end but also, I cannot forget that there’s the other side of the industry that doesn’t bother to be in par with the quality of specialty coffee. How will I appreciate the “good”, if I lose my exposure to “bad”.

I’m glad I did that. On top of this realization, I wonder how grades in Cup of Excellence all over the world will turn out, if we have all attributes of bad commodity coffee in one cupping bowl, designed to be in the center. It’s a wild idea but I wonder. Damn, our palates have been spoiled. Recalibrate.