Instant Coffee never tasted sooo good -

- till Tatay offered me a cup of coffee one morning. The way he’d make a cup for Nanay. With brown sugar & powdered creamer.

Nanay & Tatay is how we refer to my grandparents.

Forget Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Embedded in my heart, mind, character. Nothing will change it. A cup of coffee is my love language. I feel all the love when you hand me a cup of coffee.

Yes, I work in coffee while tasting some of the best coffees in the world. And yes, I have quite an “intricate” method of making my coffee via Pour Over. However I also learned to understand that coffee has existed for so long, and has incorporated its way to many people’s lives. Majority of the time, coffee is just part of everyone’s everyday. Don’t mind the citrusy, fruity, high scoring qualities. Coffee is just something to start their day.

And for someone to make way out of their routine to make me a cup of coffee is a thought that always warms my heart. I don’t plan to use my brain everytime I take a sip. You hand me a coffee, and I’ll just be as happy as Jollibee while sipping on it. Ya know?

To conclude this conversation, tatay’s instant coffee is one of the most delicious cups I have ever tasted! A possible 96 points on coffee review if I may add! XD

The rare occurrence of coming home, knowing what I want to pursue in life, being firm that I’m visiting my family solely for remembering the comfort of their presence, and just spending time with the 2 people I highly look up to allows me to wrap my head & heart on the love that existed & that will keep me going.

My eyes are slowly tearing up. I type this as I head back home tomorrow. Like this quote from Mitch Albom’s, The Timekeeper . “God limits our days to make each one precious”. Successfully, I believe I have made all 10 days worth while. I can now head back into the war zone of this thing called “life”.

I had to survive.

When I got to Hilo, I was maxed out when it came to money.

I was flipping clothes. Mind you, I was good. I was slowly understanding the market of aloha wear. I carefully watched how the process in instagram worked. I would buy and sell on online platforms, physical thrifting shops and garage sales.

Later, I learned that flipping clothes from what I buy online saves me time and gas. Time was a very crucial resource for me to get started on my coffee cart. That being said, I was very observant, fast and always on my toes with anything I can purchase online, mostly instagram.

I was consistent. I knew there’d be a problem if I lacked inventory. I kept posting clothes to sell, and kept buying.

Eventually, the amount of followers I had, grew. I have a bigger audience. Slowly, hate was coming my way.

Telling me that I was exploiting the very sense of Aloha wear and pricing it too high. There would be those who’d bash me for earning a piece through a trade and price it too high. Even those that I looked up to as I was starting out, turned their backs on me. There were many that I was thankful for, for being supportive since the beginning, yet they were also the very same people who spoked ill / blocked me.

In my mind, these are all material things. Many of these clothes or fabric is still made outside Hawaii. It made no sense to put hate on someone who paid for an item, saw demand for it, and sold it for profit.

I ask myself… am I wrong for needing money to pay my bills? The haters can’t even contribute anything to a life I aim for. Is it my fault that I understand the value of these pieces, despite me being an immigrant? Would keeping a person alive be more important than your lack of money to pay for something that’s highly in demand?

These thoughts would not reach my reselling page. I have to be professional about it. I know that not alot of people will understand. I get sad, furious, angry and betrayed. Even though reselling gives me the income to survive, I want to get out of it so bad. Although I’d say that it has made me very resilient.

Had to let go of any negativity that came through me. I put a lot of effort in running that page, and if you’ll bash me for it, you don’t deserve to see the creativity I worked very hard for. No one could think beyond the idea of these as “material”, till they have to survive.

I learned that sharing my story over and over again would not change people’s minds. I had to accept that many people will just hate me and it’s okay. I have my morals, and I stick to them. At this point, I have a dream, living in Hawaii is not easy, I am by myself, and I’m just doing everything I can to survive.

If you don’t get that, then get out of my way. I have many other things to think about. The world has bigger problems.

:)

Actually, I really love my life

I realize this as I leave Hawaii for a 10 day vacation to The Philippines. Luckily, I recognize the best of both worlds. My struggle to survive in Hawaii becomes an opportunity to build the character I aim to be.

I think this because many things are provided for me in The Ph. If I need/want something, there’s always a person to ask, or someone to do it for me. I love the convenience of having everyone knowledgable around me, but I crave the fulfillment of accomplishing simple tasks. Tasks like cleaning the house, washing laundry, washing my car, grocery shopping, or understanding parts of life or my business while scraping or scavenging for the right answers.

Unlike when I’m in The Ph, answers are around me. It’s almost like I don’t have to lift a finger.

In Hawaii, most of what I have, I work hard for. Knowing certain things, I have to read. I have to start from scratch, just finding the right people or building the right connections.

I think I have been thriving in a place that was foreign to me 4 years ago is because I ask questions. A whole lot of it. I wouldn’t stop till I don’t get it. When I find my answers, & understand the process, I know I can do it again. I can feel uncertain, just keep asking, keep moving forward, and continuously stay fulfilled knowing that I did that process on my own.

I often get asked by family “Hawaii, isn’t it expensive to live there?”. I never sugarcoat. Heck yea, I say yes. I work my way around the life I chose. 2 businesses and a part time job is getting me by. Our lifestyles are different, so I can’t truly say that it is for everybody. But despite the everyday struggles, I can say I love my life. I know I fought very hard to live my dream. I know that if I fall, I can always get back up because I know the “how’s” of starting from the bottom.

Despite all struggles or any whining I do, let’s keep it all clear. I still very much, actually really love my life.

“What do you do for fun?”

I’ve been going on dates & honestly, this has been a question that has been a challenge to answer. Mostly because 2 of my hobbies, became a business. My “fun” turned into work, and work became fun.

I forget that there are other aspects of life that I love to do.

My other forms of “fun”, would be:

• Surfing

• Cooking

• Reading

• Writing this blog

• Jamming to music while I do skin care

• Trying new things from the grocery

• Brewing Coffee outdoors

• Playing dress up with my collection

• Driving & Cruising in any other parts of the island

So I guess I enjoy doing things outside of work. Maybe I should refer to this blog when someone asks me again.

Choosing a Crowd

Lately, with both of my businesses, I have been seeing events here and there. With coffee, it’s the HCA. Competitions are held on the island and coffee professionals gather.

There has also been events with vintage collectors, thrift shoppers, and many more with aloha wear.

I see all of these on social media, yet I am not one to attend…

One business being a physical form of service and the other being online made it a challenge for me to mingle with those who work in a similar field as I do. I see my once a week part time job in Paradise Coffee Roasters as my school, so I love to be around those who know more than I do.

Right now as I get through the hurdle of earning capital to fuel my coffee business, I choose to stay in incognito and socialize with nature when I’m not working. Hide away where no form of service is needed. Brewing a pour over by the volcano & sharing some smiles with surfers in the ocean is a crowd that protects my peace and regains my sanity.

For now, I choose to be in that crowd.

3M's

Yes, the adhesive. :)

Nah. Some days when I drive, I just have these random realizations. One for example. All the people I look up to in coffee, that I still keep in touch with all start with the letter M.

Maria, Mark, Miguel.

3 of the most passionate people I’ve ever met in this lifetime.

Fascinating how the world turns up this way. Coincidence? Nah. It was meant to be. The goal remained the same. Learn from the people I see most credible in what they do & be the overall empathizer or executor of the product they dedicate their lives on.

Here’s a breakdown of who they are & what I learn from them, the best.

Maria - My farm manager/mentor 2 years ago in UCC. Anything coffee tree related. From meticulously picking to farm maintenance. And with the amount of labor involved, still thinks of how every decision can impact those who will work the land next. She cares for coffee & people.

Mark - Founder / Owner of White Nene. Have never worked with Mark, however ever since I met him while I was working in the farm & was intrigued by his bar setup in the market, he has always been generous to show what his set up looked like. Have watched him compete in roasting competitions. He served as an inspiration, that you may not have everything you have now, but you have to start somewhere. Even from the smallest way you can. With my biggest hesitations to start my business, he was there to answer my questions & even until now. Mark is just awesome.

Miguel - Founder / Owner of Paradise Coffee Roasters. With Miguel, I learned that anything is possible. We are not limited to the flavors we know of coffee. But what I look up to about him the most is that there is no need to sacrifice values & morals in pursuit of excellence in coffee. He proved that loyalty to the coffee industry & not solely to a company does exist. That I don’t have to change the good in me or my vision to pursue a dream.

And for someone who slightly isolates herself with ideals that only she can understand, knowing that these people exists, give her the peace to keep calm and carry on. I am very blessed & lucky to have found people to look up to. Ah yes, and the 3M’s? Yes an adhesive.

That we are one. We may have different roles, but we want to serve good. And yes! As a team, we can definitely serve good.

A place of comfort through my journal

Hmm… Id have to admit. This blog is insanely career focused. But also, as I deal with life, we can sprinkle some personal touches. Like the past partnership I had.

From April 2022, while I was working in the farm, I met the person Ive ever only learned to love. It was amazing as I never met anyone who was so invested in my dream for coffee. Loving this guy was effortless. He was living in Hilo, I was living in Kona. We would spend weekends on either of our area or meet in the middle. He came with me during that fermentation camp in Colombia. One that was a huge part of my dream, and had an opportunity to also visit Panama. On our first Christmas together, he met my family and came to The Philippines with me. We spent such a lovely time.

When we got back to Hawaii, I had to move to Oʻahu, a different island. A company offered to have me work there and learn coffee roasting. A lot of in betweens but it didn’t work out and I had to move back to Hilo to start my business instead.

Wasn’t it perfect? I move back to Big island and want to stay in Hilo & start my business where my past partner was at?

yeah, no. At that time, he was building homes. Market wasn’t as good. On the side of his profession, he wanted a stable career. One that doesn’t break his body with health insurance. Absolutely understandable…. I was willing to work through our relationship despite his career change & his need to pursue the education in California.

Before he left for his studies in the medical field, he built me a coffee cart.

I was left in Hilo, to figure out what to do. I was unprepared to still start my business… I had to find myself a stable job. Which didn’t work out as I learned that flipping clothes could pay my rent better & that I had time to work on my coffee cart.

Throughout all this life changes, I was also going through tough times….

While he was in California, and I was navigating both of my coffee business and clothing side hustle, there has been lack of communication. It drove me crazy knowing if he was alive or not. When he sent messages, my mood was good & when he doesn't, I couldn’t eat nor sleep.

When we communicate about this, it seemed to be dodged and all I can do is forgive so we can put value in the time we’re sharing stories. You know, many times Id lose my mind as a lot of words said weren’t true anymore.

I have been led to believe promises that weren’t meant to be kept. I stay knowing that maybe it’s just a phase. He will eventually be mentally stable again.

His stay kept extending from 3 months to a year. Then one day, he sent me this message of being “thankful” for the love & loyalty I gave. It was a breakup text, with false hope that he will find me again.

Few days later he came home. Knocked on the door and said “Hi, friend”.

Biggest insult. He came to help for Merrie Monarch, Hawaii’s festival. Few days later, he had to leave.

We were good friends to begin with, so maybe I can, and why not? At first, he was more consistent on checking up on me again…

Oh yes. Huge mistake to stay as friends. Never do it. After some time, when he called, I was there. When I need a conversation, my mom was there. I can’t be angry with a man who’s not committed to me, correct?

Did that for 9 months. So many people told me to stop. Within that time frame, he started renovating homes again which was great as that was his passion. However, I knew I was stupid for keeping our communication open. Messages have been inconsistent. Days I wouldn’t hear from him. And the plans of staying in California just kept extending. I just kept my hopes up that once he achieved self fulfillment, he’d one day actually come back home.

Then this January I tried to organize my life. Something in my head clicked upon a message I received from Michael, saying “Ola amiga”.

Degrading, I must say. I asked… what’s the point of texting me if he never replies back. “I am sorry. I was working. So you want me to disappear?” , he replied.

I’m sorry but was that a threat? To me? He has disappeared on me for quite a while & has only resurfaced upon his convenience.

and that’s when I decided to stop my stupidity. I blocked him through Whatsapp or my phone number.

I lost respect for myself while entertaining a person like this.

I kept my email open, as when Ive been persistent, I was able to contact him through that. 2 months later, I hear nothing.

You know what’s odd? I constantly have to remind myself of the pain I went through just to learn how to love him.

I needed an outlet for the fun places about my day. I turned back into the things & hobbies that made me myself again so I can keep my head held high while working on my goals.

Do I miss this person? No. Not anymore. I miss how happy I was being with someone I thought Id spend my future with. But I believe that I spent more time hurting through the duration of knowing him. And I do know that my sanity has to be kept intact for the sake of my goals.

And that I will never trade my sanity to accept degradation of self worth.

However it doesn’t always come easy to remind myself of these decisions. When in doubt, I turn to my journal, write how I really feel, turn some pages of days Ive desperately tried to get out of my head, then all of a sudden, my pen & paper became that space. A space within reach that just became comfort for a healing heart.

Working on a timeline - 2025

Once New Year's hit, the amount of pressure weighs down on me. It doesn’t really help that it is also my birth month. Ever since I finished my degree and chose my profession i made a promise to myself. A promise that has kept me in check, persistent, and focused. I promised that by the age of 30, I should be able to sustain myself doing something that I love.

Definitely took a while to gather how I can invest on myself & credible experience from 2020-2024. Gone through whatever pay cut, just to start somewhere. From working minimum wage as a barista & a coffee farmer. Worked with the savings I had to join a Fermentation Camp & learn from Lucia Solis. Moved islands to pursue a specific role. And in this process, some places didn't work out. Left people who weighed me down. Finally settled in Hilo to start my business while randomly being offered a coffee roasting job. All these movements just to find the right people to learn from did cost time & money. It took me 9 months to catch up financially, create a system for both businesses and build a routine around it. No regrets made so far.

And this is why 2025 hits different.

All the reasons for the first half of my 20's will make sense on how to approach the second half. Through learning the perspective of everyone involved in the chain, how do I pursue a business with ethics that benefit everyone in the industry?

Through the years, my goals have been clearer. It became more specific. Scary but atleast I have direction.

From scraping whatever knowledge, and learning from whoever, to now, choosing who to surround myself with. Part of this path is proving that I don't have to compromise morals & standards just to take me where I aim to be.

I am not a perfect person. I still ask myself all the time if I'm fair, doing the right thing, and not stepping on anybody. I do hope & trust that everything will fall in place in the next years.

Week of 3-in-1 ; 3 hats in 1 week

Definitely learned as much through the 3 years I’ve lived in Hawaii to put this much pressure on one week of October 2024.

(For clarification, I live in Hilo, the East Side of the Big Island. Kona is at the West. It takes 1hr:30min - 2 hours to drive.)

Monday - Roasting with Paradise Coffee Roasters, Hilo

Tuesday - Picking coffee at UCC, Kona

Wednesday - Roasting with Paradise Coffee Roasters, Hilo

Thursday- Picking coffee at UCC, Kona

Friday - Serving through Pour Over The Rainbow, Hilo

Saturday - Serving through Pour Over The Rainbow, Hilo

Sunday … I’ll be on incognito. Every part of this week has been a dream fulfilled. Quite labor intensive. So I’ll definitely cherish this routine because once I start thinking carefully, many decisions are cost inefficient and if it doesn’t earn, it falls as a hobby. And I am truly working on getting the life in coffee out of a hobbyist’s perspective as it needs to sustain me. Starting to love this week then! lol

Privileged Picker

2 days ago, I just felt like visiting Maria to see how she's doing. As usual, there's lack of pickers in many parts of Kona, and there was a need for more people as the whole farm is red & pickers can barely pick everything at the same time. So, I decided to go to Kona and pick coffee only for a few days....

It is exactly how I remembered it. Yet, the feeling of being on the field doesn't get easy. No matter how I feel, I can't help but think... how dare I complain?

Just 2 months ago, (August 2024) Miguel, my current employer in Paradise Coffee Roasters connected me to a few producers in The Philippines who he source coffees from. When I visited some farms in Benguet and a forest in Bataan, I find myself being in awe of the strength of the Filipino people. How do they pick these trees that are out of reach on land that's so steep that it can come close to rappelling?! I don't know if I even have that strength. And on some places, some land is so raw! Unlike Kona where it's all groomed & structured as an ideal layout of a coffee farm. Even my worst coffee picking experience can probably be one of the best around The Philippines. 💀

So back to the topic... How dare I complain? I come and offer help to Maria, aa she lets me sleep on a king sized bed with the BEST sunset view. She even makes & feeds me pupusaSSS (I had a lot that evening), and I think to myself... why is my body feeling tired already. I can't be tired because some other countries have  more difficult situations.

*sigh* And since I could never turn a blind eye to the places I've seen and the people I have met, it is best to recognize that at this point, I'm one privileged child who has the opportunity to experience what good picking culture is. View it as... a Coffee Picking 101 Refresher Course. :--)

Which challenges to take?

I’m here, sitting in my car, just completely exhausted after being quite stressed for the first part of the day and showing up at a Halloween event in Hilo.

Rain was pouring, and it was completely challenging just from setting up on a place 500 m away from the vehicle.

Towards the evening, coffee with caffeine was quite a challenge to sell. We had mostly children and parents. So truly understandable.

and with breaking down, I think it just whiplashed me in the face with how tired I am.

Why am I pushing myself to just show up, without being strategic about it or creating boundaries for myself?

I think it may be the perspective of “exercise” or “training”? Maybe if I put money and my equipment into importance, I’d be smarter about where I should be?

What is THE SECRET FORMULA? 10mins after breaking down, I write this post. The brain will start working after 2 days and this situation should be fully analyzed. I have to be smarter.

this is just a record of what I’m going through right now. And maybe you’re also starting something, and it’s falling into trial and error.

Should I get the good about this? I connected with 3 other vendors :)

Still tired and not smiling despite the smiley face. Okay. That’s enough rant for now. Gotta wash the dishes next.

Family

to feel like they are part of your life again. I’ll be honest, I did distance myself from people who don’t understand my vision, who always had something to say, and who doubt it. A lot of those three came from my family at the beginning of this career. I only saw their questions, with the unspoken idea if it will monetize or give me a sustainable income in the future. At this age, I understood it. But before, it became a fuel of “watch me, it will get done”. All doubts were directed to proving myself.

It gets tiring, you know. To be fueled by anger.

This all stopped the moment they finally saw and realized that I’m not stopping and this is a serious dream. They’re particularly my grandparents’ approach was “what do we have, to help get it started now”. In that sense, it feels as if it brought my heart closer to home again. Why I do what I do. Who else can I learn all these from, but from those who doubted & inspires me at the same time. Odd as I may type it out, time is the only factor I cannot control, and that I have to maximize while Nanay and Tatay can move and think with me. Truly, I know nothing. But if Tatay wants to just do it, the urge to work on the dream should already be there. Going back to family, to move cautiously is great to keep in mind, but to also feel the sense of camaraderie makes it easier to move forward.

Family is trouble, family will teach me how to set boundaries, and family will teach me how to trust.

Loyalty : To a company or to the coffee industry

Somehow, it feels as if my gut knew where people stand, the moment they “educate” about coffee. It’s lovely to know who I’d love to learn from.

Does it suck to see right through people’s character? Yes, because this is why I don’t have that many friends. No, because I also don’t need that many friends. Sorting my way through so I don’t have to waste time on potential traitors lol! Ok. Not kidding but those who do most work in coffee out of personal interests will truly suck the life and love out of you.

Why? It’s because they lie on the actual facts of what the industry goes through just to look good in front of their customers & to earn that google review! Ok, this isn’t a blog rage. Trust your gut. Know your crowd. It’s an investment of how you’ll move forward. I truly appreciate the right people that came into my career and life. As a picky person, I deserve the recognition that I eventually chose well. My past frustration can now only cause relief of how I currently live. So thank you self.

Don’t blame me for the life I was born with.

I dream. I dream big. Not only for myself. but for my country & the coffee industry. How is it possible that I have the mental capacity to do so? It’s only because I was blessed enough to have completed my hierarchy of needs from how I was raised & those who raised me. Those being physiological, safety, love, and self actualization. I have all satisfied, that I seek to provide and make an impact on someone else’s life.

It shouldn’t make me less of a person for having the resources. It shouldn’t make me less of an achiever for choosing a rough path despite having “back up”. I chose to live this way for self growth. How else can I make the most of what I have if I don’t know what it’s like to be lacking of it. No to entitlement. Please don’t discredit me for how hard I try, just because my family is well of. I am grateful for all opportunities that came with it, but it only becomes more if I recognize it.

Maybe we can meditate on the good parts of our life & make the most out of it. I don’t want to only be the receiving end of benefits, but also the creator of my own. Self fulfillment comes in different forms, and this one’s mine. Stop comparing yourself to others & playing victim. :P Just saying.

Running is my reason for everything.

Ever wondered how I learned to live “this” outlook in life. This meaning just doing-risk taking-enjoying kind of thinking?… My partner always admired how I think, as I stay on my lane and I know what I want. I am not perfect in what I do, but I just love it so much that doing good is always the goal in whatever aspect of my profession. Strange as it may be, but the practice of thinking this way started when I was 17. My dad got me into walking, then running. Running became so enjoyable that we eventually joined races. Obsessed is the word. We got into full marathons and ultramarathons. I’ve done 21 all together + 20 something half marathons. It’s not only a medal we earn. It’s one intangible reward. A stronger mindset every after race. And so, I blame it all on running.

Amazed that whatever time it takes, I eventually do what my vision was? Running. It takes patience, you’ll eventually get there.

Amazed that what I earn through my coffee business/ customer count is not enough, yet I’m happy? Running. I showed up. It’s what matters in most days.

Amazed that despite how many people can finish at a better time, it doesn’t bother me? Who cares. The only person we should compete with is ourselves. We go by our own pace & it should be trusted.

Amazed that I am not afraid to do something new? Who says I’m not afraid. I always am. But I still take on the task because of running. Wanting a new challenge after every other race.

Amazed that I smile despite not getting to my goals quick? Running. I believe that we must enjoy the view, and cherish those we meet along the process.

Among so many things I develop in life, many times I alter the way that I think so that I remain on my feet & keep going, the answer is that running taught me most of what made this my character & mindset in such challenging path to take for coffee. We all are in hurdles, and it’s what makes life more meaningful. What is there to live for when it’s easily attained? The biggest takeaway that running teaches is to always have gratitude. No matter how small it is. To see the beauty in the smallest things will make your whole path even more enjoyable, and an inspiring story to tell.

Are you interested to learn how to think this way? Start running,

Hospitality. It’s not for everybody.

I write this to assess the people that come through the market.

Currently, I serve in a Farmers Market that doesn’t have too much foot traffic yet. As I started, there were 3 vendors of each day. Fees are 80% lower than those markets around, and so I chose to start with this location so that I can play my operations by ear. Improvements were done slowly, and I wanted to pace myself when it comes to figuring things out.

The trade of a lower market cost, is that we promote for ourselves. It was an opportunity to learn that area too. I’ve promoted in many places, both physical & online.

Very interesting people go through the gates where the coffee sign’s at. Being near a grocery & hardware made sense with the idea of serving local. And so, with this, I did my best to attract the demographic that I wanted to serve.

Despite that, probably 2% of those I encounter are not very pleasing. It’s like they have a certain beverage in mind, and nothing can change that.

why I write this? Two people come up and asks for something I don’t have. When I tell more about the offerings, one mumbles “do you wanna go to Starbucks instead”?, like I wasn’t there. And follows up with “thank you, we’ll be back”, I said “ok, no problem :) “

It did piss me off because that was disrespectful.

But you know what… I don’t have to serve them & be too kind. I can choose who I can cater to now, by showing what I have. It’s take it or leave it. I should be okay with that.

After that encounter, a customer who came in the same morning came back for his second drink. I was very pleased with his kindness & he deserved the service I offered.

That being said, quality comes with service. Not everyone leans towards quality & so hospitality is not for everybody :)

* more smiley faces, and walks away *

Courage from a cold shower

* types after taking a cold shower *

No hesitations. No waiting. Just go.

In one of the podcasts I was listening to in finance, one of the steps to get better in figuring this out was to learn how to just dive right into a cold shower. There was more steps than that but this one stuck to me. I am currently struggling with proper finances, and being smart about learning the system and so I find resources this way. However, ever since I applied this action in my morning and evening routine, a cold shower taught me more than I thought it would, when it comes to doing things for my business.

Thus, I was able to set up my coffee cart in different parts of Hilo, for the photos & promotion purposes that I am mobile and I am able to serve on the east side of Hawai’i island. As easy as this sounds, it wasn’t. In many things I have not done in my life, this was one that I had to figure out. I needed the courage to set up all equipment in places with too many strangers, in scorching heat, and an area with higher chances of rain.

and in this world of uncertainty, we learn to be optimistic. Everything fits my Hyundai turtle car.

1st Photo: Jan 1 Liliuokalani Garden - so much people, yet I sparked up curiosity

2nd Photo: Jan 3 (am) Volcano - droplets of rain were coming, so I set up & broke down with an intense speed I didn’t realize I was capable of

3rd Photo: Jan 3 (pm) near 4 miles - extremely hot & cars passing by, good lighting & sparked up curiosity as well

… and after I took the photos I needed, more ideas came rushing in on how I can make the most out of these the next time around. I learned the “How” and now I am not afraid. The Power of a Cold shower is greater than just doing it. It holds the power of doing it again and again. By developing that habit, I learned the How’s of building up courage.

Living in Isolation

I have never felt so alone again. I currently live by myself in a three bedroom home. I rent a room. 2 months since I decided to quit my day job, and being self employed limits the usual socialization that a person has. I move by myself, and for myself.

I have goals and a vision that only I can see. Honestly, it’s tough. The quietness becomes noisy, but I also choose to keep myself away from distraction or conversations that don’t benefit my future,

My partner too is not around. My boyfriend. The one who understood me at one point, couldn't. My family in Texas understands that I thrive when I go unbothered by doubts towards my goals, and so they never question my moves anymore.

It truly sinks in that this is what we can sometimes get for our persistency, discipline and drive. When the right people come, they stay. However, we will never force ourselves upon anything that can hinder us from achieving those ideals bigger than ourselves. Suckishly, no one will understand it till you earn billions of dollars. But to get there, I ask myself. How do I numb my heart from temporarily living in isolation?

Kilometer Zero

1 month & a half in since I decided to start my dream… Pour Over The Rainbow. The logistics of my life is quite weird. I only do the coffee cart 2 times a week. No, I do not have savings. Why? I do spend a lot. Moved a lot, took every form of education in coffee and didn’t care how much it cost, and also got into Aloha wear. The lifestyle I live is as simple as it gets…. despite the clothes costing so much 😆

Now where did the aloha wear obsession come from? It’s a long story but to sum it up, I met a lady in Oahu from Facebook who sold so much of this brand for a cheaper price to me. I had SO much that I had to make a reselling page on Instagram. We became lifelong friends. I love her.

Learned the ropes of bidding and bin (buy it now), shipping, making promotions, making connections with people who can sell pieces to me, and eventually build up an audience. Closet in Hawai’i started as a side hustle. Believe it or not, I made more money in that compared to the ramen job I had when I moved back to Big island. Since that worked out, I had the time to work on the coffee cart, while the thrifting page supported my life.

If I have sold enough clothes,  I have the space to work on the coffee cart. I take my coffee dream to a whole other level like it’s my baby. She is my dream and I have to take care of it and those who support it. So I am in charge of the time I make for it.

This is the logistics of life. Buying clothes is not only by being in physical stores but also finding items online. Opportunity is on screen and off of it.

The only rest I take is when I eat.

Not being surrounded by the usual routine had me stand still when I took this vacation in Texas. Having time to think, create ideas and find inspiration and be grateful for the life I live. Taking it slow and having the time to converse with the people around me gave resting the perfect time to recalibrate and to acknowledge how far we’ve gone. Texas is where I started and it is my Kilometer Zero. The best part about going back is that I remember what I wished for when I was in Texas. It’s everything I’m working on in Hawai’i.

Starting Ugly

Same concept I had as I was growing up. Kept failing my grades and when I started doing “ok”, it becomes a huge accomplishment, and when I’ve done beyond “ok”, it blew people’s minds to know that I am capable of exceeding their expectations hahaha

So back to my coffee life, I started a cart. No nice logo, no lids, no cream, almost nothing. Too basic!

I just resigned from my day job because I want to continuously improve my dream. It’s finally happening... But before I look too legit, everything is sort of a makeshift, just to have something. Slowly, I’ll simply learn what I actually need, and it’s just part of the process.

I’ll never be ready until I start ugly…. Everyday is part of the progress I’ll make in the next decade. Getting there!